【報恩月紀念】面對毛孩離世：我們不想勸你放下

那一夜，牠走了。

凌晨三點，陳小姐輕輕抱著她十五歲的臘腸犬「小福」，牠的呼吸越來越淺，直到最後一次吐氣——房間裡只剩下時鐘的滴答聲。她說，那一刻，她覺得心口像被掏空，比當年送走父親時哭得還慘。

這不是誇張，而是許多飼主的真實心聲。因為毛孩陪你走過的每一天，構成了生活的節奏與情感的根基，失去牠，不只是少了一個生命，而是生活的一大部分被抽離。

▌為什麼「喪寵」痛得更深？

心理學研究指出，寵物與飼主之間建立的是一種「純粹且無條件的依附關係」。牠們不在乎你的地位、財富、外貌，牠們的存在讓你感到被接納、被需要。因此，當毛孩離去，失去的不只是陪伴，還有安全感與身份認同。特別是對獨居者、長者，或是生活中缺乏穩定情感支持的人，這種失落感會更加強烈。

▌面對悲傷，我們不想勸你放下

任何人都會面臨「死去」的情境，及可能感覺「放不下」的痛。

但我們可以嘗試去找到放不下的原因，幫助自己用理性的方式來省視及面對，慢慢調整情緒，重新找到意義感幫助自己延續，找出對生命的希望。例如：

1. 給自己一個告別的儀式

不論是種一棵樹、點一盞燈，還是做一本回憶相冊，讓離別變得有形，也讓愛有地方寄託。

2. 把回憶寫下來

寫一封信給牠，說出那些沒來得及說的話。這是一種心理釋放，也是對關係的延續。

3. 找到懂你的人

加入 p'adore寵愛 預約一對一專人傾聽諮詢，或與有相同經歷的朋友聊聊，讓悲傷不必獨自承受。

4. 積極投入學習提升照顧能力

從學習的過程中了解自己的不足，並面對自己其實是有機會和能力去避免和改善遺憾，才能轉換為行動及能量來重新調適。

▌愛，一直以另一種方式留下

不用刻意求自己要抹去悲傷，因為對我們毫無保留、摯愛的毛孩離世來說，這種悲傷感會始終隱隱的存在，並且伺機而動。但它會慢慢轉化成力量，會用另一種方式延續愛，例如投入志工、領養需要幫助的毛孩、或持續精進自己學習，讓自己有更多養分可以去面對新的開始。

正如會開辦 p'adore寵愛，就是基於我對逝去毛孩心裡許下承諾：「要把從毛孩身上學到的事分享給更多人。」所以才先後創辦NCPHD.社團法人中華寵愛健康發展促進會及 p'adore寵愛教養食育專校、蓁心毛孩居服員等等。因此無論在課程設計、證照考試、學員福利及到府服務各項上，始終秉持初心，盡力從毛孩和使用者飼主角度，設計提供所有內容和服務。

▌看見生命的意義：向毛孩學到的3件事

雖然我從3歲開始就無間斷的都有養寵物，但真的是在領養被棄養的殘障犬望望，和祂離世後，才深刻的體會到許多事。我在祂身上學到許多人生的道理，和餘生的志業，還有要面對的許多課題。

祂是我人生寶貴的教練，恩師，貴人。從祂身上我體會到生命的韌性，堅強與勇氣。這裡簡單分享我從望望、斑比、糰糰身上學到的三件事：

第一件事，就是所有的曾經都會失去，只有當下才是真實的。

無論是美好、殘酷、財富、名聲，其實都是短暫的，我們無法真正擁有它。因此在生活中，都要把握當下說出自己的感受，大膽地去做。不管是道愛、道謝、道歉、道別都要及時，想做什麼事，想做什麼選擇，想追求什麼理想，都不要畏懼、猶疑，放手去做。其實失敗也是一種獲得，沒有輸贏，也沒有什麼好丟臉可恥。你的生命，從來都毋庸別人來質疑或定義。

第二件事，永遠用樂觀的態度，來面對所有的挫敗與不堪。

即使要挖眼、截肢，我們還是能看見毛孩燦爛的笑顏。因為在死亡這個結果面前，這些都是小事，都是過程，沒有什麼好害怕失去的。如果這個乳房，會影響你身體其他器官，那就割除吧！成為名符其實的少奶奶沒什麼不好！如果有人要用抹黑、潑髒水的手段來攻擊你、壯大自己，那就讓她獨秀，感謝她這麼看重我們，願意幫我們無條件宣傳造勢。畢竟在烏鴉的世界裡，天鵝也有罪。和不理解你、不重要的人去計較，只是犧牲了自己的青春與快樂，不值得。

第三件事，讓我看到愛的純粹，及生命的美好。

真正的愛最無私，沒有摻雜任何利益、情緒、條件，只一心單純喜歡、快樂和滿足。心理學家阿德勒曾說：「當你和對方相處時感到輕鬆、無拘無束，這種感覺就是愛。因為在這樣的關係中，你不會感到自卑，也不需要刻意展示完美，你可以放鬆自然地做自己。這便是愛最本真的模樣。」而這正是毛孩給予我們的愛。

毛孩的愛讓我們體會到活著及世界的美好，讓人忘卻煩惱和壓力，是一種無需言語就能感受到的舒服與自由。這種同頻共振的感覺，讓我們無需刻意討好或掩飾，不需要追求「你要的期待」，而是「接納最真實的模樣」。

而這也是為什麼毛孩離世，無論時間過去多久，心裡總有一個屬於牠的悲傷原因。

撰文｜陳蓁 Jessie Chen（ p’adore 寵愛&毛孩居服員等創辦人、《 p’adore Today 寵愛今天》雜誌主筆）

📚 資料來源

1. MarketWatch（2023）：Pet Doula 在寵物臨終與飼主悲傷支持中的角色

2. 《Journal of Applied Animal Welfare Science》（2024）

3. 台灣動物保護法及相關心理輔導案例彙整

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[Gratitude Month Commemoration] Facing the Death of Your Furry Friends: We Don’t Want to Tell You to Let Go

That night, it left

At three in the morning, Ms. Chen gently held her fifteen-year-old dachshund, Xiaofu, as its breathing grew shallower and shallower until it finally exhaled. The only sound in the room was the ticking of the clock. She said that at that moment, she felt as if her heart had been ripped out, and she cried even more bitterly than when she saw her father off.

This isn't an exaggeration; it's the genuine sentiment of many pet owners. Every day your furry companion accompanies you, forming the rhythm and emotional foundation of your life. Losing one isn't just the loss of a life; it's the detachment of a significant part of your life.

Why is the pain of losing favor so much deeper?

Psychological research indicates that the bond between pets and their owners is one of pure and unconditional attachment. They don't care about status, wealth, or appearance; their presence makes you feel accepted and needed. Therefore, when a pet passes away, we lose not only companionship but also a sense of security and identity. This sense of loss is particularly acute for those living alone, the elderly, or those lacking stable emotional support.

▌Facing sadness, we don’t want to persuade you to give up

Anyone can face the situation of "death" and feel the pain of "not being able to let go".

But we can try to find the reasons why we can't let go, help ourselves to reflect and face it in a rational way, slowly adjust our emotions, find a sense of meaning again to help ourselves continue, and find hope in life. For example:

1. Give yourself a farewell ceremony

Whether it is planting a tree, lighting a lamp, or making a memory album, it makes separation tangible and gives love a place to rest.

2. Write down your memories

Write a letter to it and say what you didn't have time to say. This is a kind of psychological release and also a continuation of the relationship.

3. Find someone who understands you

Join p'adore and make an appointment for one-on-one listening consultation, or talk with friends who have similar experiences, so that you don’t have to bear the sadness alone.

4. Actively engage in learning to improve caregiving skills

Only by understanding your own shortcomings through the learning process and facing the fact that you actually have the opportunity and ability to avoid and improve regrets can you convert them into actions and energy to readjust.

▌Love always stays in another way

Don't try to erase your grief. For the loss of a pet we love so deeply, this sadness will always be there, waiting to strike. But it will slowly transform into strength, finding ways to continue our love, such as volunteering, adopting a pet in need, or continuing to improve our studies, giving us more nourishment to face new beginnings.

Just as the founding of p'adore stems from a promise I made to my deceased pets: "To share what I've learned from them with as many people as possible." This led to the establishment of the NCPHD (Chinese Pet Care and Health Development Promotion Association), the p'adore Pet Care School, and the Zhenxin Furry Home Attendants. Therefore, in all aspects of curriculum design, certification exams, student benefits, and home services, we remain true to our original aspirations, striving to design and provide all content and services from the perspective of both pets and their owners.

▌Seeing the meaning of life: 3 things I learned from my pets

Although I've had pets continuously since I was three years old, it was only after adopting the abandoned disabled dog Wangwang and following his passing that I truly realized so much. From him, I learned many life lessons, my life's mission, and the many challenges I face.

He is my precious coach, mentor, and benefactor. From him, I have learned life's resilience, strength, and courage. Here are three things I've learned from Wangwang, Bambi, and Tuantuan:

The first thing is that everything in the past will be lost, and only the present is real.

Whether it's beauty or cruelty, wealth or fame, they are all fleeting; we cannot truly possess them. Therefore, in life, we must seize the moment, express our feelings, and act boldly. Whether expressing love, thanking you, apologizing, or saying goodbye, do so promptly. Whatever you want to do, whatever choices you want to make, whatever ideals you want to pursue, don't be afraid or hesitant; just go for it. Failure is a form of gain; there's no winning or losing, and nothing to be ashamed of. Your life is never subject to questioning or definition by others.

The second thing is to always face all setbacks and difficulties with an optimistic attitude.

Even if we have to gouge out their eyes or amputate their limbs, we can still see our pets' bright smiles. Because in the face of death, these are trivial matters, just a process, nothing to fear. If this breast affects other organs, then have it removed! There's nothing wrong with being a true "young lady"! If someone uses smears and mudslinging to attack you and aggrandize themselves, let them be alone. Thank them for valuing us and offering unconditional publicity. After all, in a world of crows, even swans are guilty. Obsessing over unimportant people who don't understand you only sacrifices your youth and happiness; it's not worth it.

The third thing made me see the purity of love and the beauty of life.

True love is selfless, free from all interests, emotions, or conditions. It's pure affection, happiness, and satisfaction. Psychologist Adler once said, "When you feel relaxed and free with someone, that feeling is love. In such a relationship, you don't feel inferior, nor do you need to be perfect. You can relax and be yourself. This is the truest form of love." And that's exactly the love our furry friends give us.

The love of our furry friends allows us to appreciate the beauty of life and the world, allowing us to forget worries and stress. It's a comfort and freedom that can be felt without words. This resonant feeling frees us to avoid the need for pleasuring or concealing, to avoid pursuing "expectations" and instead accepting them as they truly are.

This is why, no matter how much time has passed, there is always a reason for sadness in our hearts when our pet passes away.

Written by Jessie Chen (Founder of p’adore & Furry Home Care, Editor-in-Chief of p’adore Today Magazine)

📚 Source

1. MarketWatch (2023): The Role of Pet Doulas in End-of-Life and Grief Support for Pet Owners

2. 《Journal of Applied Animal Welfare Science》（2024）

3. Taiwan Animal Protection Law and Related Psychological Counseling Case Studies

<<English translation provided by Google>>